Today's women apparently come in just two flavors, according to Mars, Inc.: gay and fat. The purple M&Ms in the new female-only candy bags come in a larger size to represent "body positivity," while the green and brown ones are meant to depict a same-sex female couple.
Straight, thin women are not represented in the new all-female M&Ms candy bags because these kinds of women are not considered to be a cultural "success."
The three-colored female M&Ms do, however, come with a flipped upside-down logo to represent how today's women "are flipping how they define success," according to a press release. (Related: Remember in 2006 when a Chicago-based M&Ms candy factory had to be shut down due to an infestation of mice and cockroaches?)
The new M&Ms come as promised amid a "woke" transformation at Mars, which is pushing the limits on how "inclusive" it can be." Earlier in 2022, the company also announced alterations to its mascots to "reflect the more dynamic, progressive world that we live in."
The "refreshed M&Ms brand," as the company called it, "will include a more modern take on the looks of our beloved characters" to make them fatter, uglier, and less pleasing to the eyes.
In 2017, the year Donald Trump was elected president of the United States, Mars also announced a billion-dollar spending initiative to reduce the company's "carbon footprint."
"Women all over the world are flipping how they define success and happiness while challenging the status quo, so we're thrilled to be able to recognize and celebrate them," announced Mars Wrigley North American chief marketing officer Gabrielle Wesley about the new obese lesbian M&Ms branding.
"And who better to help us on that mission than our own powerhouse spokescandies Green, Brown and Purple?"
For every package of obese lesbian M&Ms that are purchased in the North American market, Mars will reportedly donate $1, up to $500,000, "to two nonprofit organizations that support women in the music industry: 'She Is the Music' and 'We Are Moving the Needle.'"
Mars also plans to donate another $300,000 to other female-only nonprofits that are "flipping the status quo."
Jane Hwang, global vice president at Mars Wrigley, added in her own statement that these new "spokescandy" M&Ms have "so much" about them "that people can relate to and appreciate." One thing Hwang pointed out as an example is the fat lesbian M&M's "willingness to embrace her true self."
"Our new character reminds us to celebrate what makes us unique," Hwang added.
In the comments, someone wrote that none of this is "dynamic" or "progressive" as Mars claims, but rather it is "more woke and misled."
"Glad this story was shared," this person added. "Now I know what not to buy!"
Another wrote that when even candy goes woke, "it is a sign of just how bad things have become."
"It reminds me to be exclusive," this person added. "I am excluding M&Ms from my grocery list."
It turns out that M&Ms are among the least-healthy candies on the American market, emphasized another. Between the petroleum-based food colorings to the preservatives to the genetically modified (GMO) oils and beet sugar, M&Ms are not worth your time.
"Though more expensive, these smaller brands (Ghirardelli and your local chocolatiers, as well as practically all European brands) have a much better taste and texture," this individual further wrote.
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