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Tyson Foods CFO John R. Tyson arrested after getting drunk and falling asleep in “wrong home”
By Ethan Huff // Nov 10, 2022

The great-grandson of the founder of Tyson Foods was arrested for criminal trespass and public intoxication on Sunday after he was found sleeping alone and naked in the bed of a woman he does not know and who did not let him inside her house.

The woman was not at home when John R. Tyson, the chief financial officer (CFO) of Tyson Foods, reportedly entered the premises and proceeded to remove his clothes and hop into bed for a drunken nap. Upon discovering him, the woman called the police.

Upon arrival, law enforcement attempted to awaken Tyson, who got up for a second to see what was going on before plopping back down on her sheets to continue sleeping. (Related: Remember when Tyson Foods forced its employees to get "vaccinated" for the Wuhan coronavirus [Covid-19]?)

Officers stated that Tyson wreaked of alcohol, both on his breath and body. He was also sluggish and uncoordinated during the brief moment when he leaned up to look at them before passing out a second time.

Because he is a member of the uber-wealthy Tyson family, Tyson was released on bond, though he does have a court hearing scheduled for early December.

Tyson apologizes, says his drunken mishap is "inconsistent with my personal values"

As is always the case, the embarrassed company executive, recognizing that his career may be on the line, issued a canned statement of apology for his illicit behavior.

"I am embarrassed for personal conduct that is inconsistent with my personal values, the company's values and the high expectations we hold for each other here at Tyson Foods," the 32-year-old is quoted as saying.

"I made a serious mistake and this has caused me to reflect deeply on the impact my actions can have on others."

Tyson says he will now receive counseling for alcohol abuse with the apparent hope that he will not be removed from his position. He has only been in it since 2019, after all, and this was after a brief stint as an investment banker at JP Morgan.

It has been speculated that Tyson would perhaps be considered as a future CEO candidate based on his family name, and this latest development calls into question whether that is still a possibility.

Tyson was scheduled to speak at his company's upcoming earnings call on November 14. This would have been the first time Tyson spoke to shareholders as CEO of Tyson Foods.

In a statement, Tyson Foods spokesman Derek Burleson said that the company is "aware of the incident" but because it "is a personal matter, we have no additional comment."

"Ah, nepotism," wrote a Post commenter about how Tyson appears to be receiving special treatment at Tyson Foods simply because of his last name. "Where the below-average in everything are awarded bounties they would never get without the pedigree and coattails."

"Agreed," responded another. "Nepotism is affirmative action for stupid rich kids."

Someone else joked that Tyson might just be a "Hunter Biden wannabe," seeing as how the fake president's son is little more than a drug junkie with a rich and privileged family who gets away with even worse behavior.

"Just another bad heir day," joked another.

"Totally understandable, charges will be dropped after he gets through rehab," added another.

"Wonder what would have happened if this loser didn't have the same last name as the founder of the company?" speculated another.

"His personal values are far from company right of conduct," added someone else. "To not be drunk and go sleeping in people's houses."

More related news can be found at Absurd.news.

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