It’s finally happened: The first “space crime” may have been committed and it involved an angry lesbian and a bank
By JD Heyes // Nov 29, 2019

You might think from the headline that this story is satire, that it’s fabricated, made up, phony.


We can assure you that it is not. 

As reported by USA Today, the very first ‘space crime’ has allegedly been committed, and it did indeed involve an angry lesbian who reportedly accessed her estranged wife’s bank account while deployed aboard the International Space Station: 

Anne McClain, a decorated astronaut who was once set to be part of NASA's first all-female spacewalk, allegedly accessed Summer Worden's bank account while on a six- month mission aboard the International Space Station, according to a report from The New York Times. The pair were married in 2014; Worden filed for divorce in 2018.

In the 21st century we have same-sex marriages, same-sex divorces, drag queen child sex offenders reading to kids, and allegations of using technology to hack into a former mate’s bank account from near-space. You really can’t make this stuff up.

USA Today noted further that Worden has filed a complaint with the Federal Trade Commission, claiming that her estranged spouse stole her identity though she did not see any evidence that McClain moved any funds in the account or used them. 

It’s not clear what McClain would have used the funds for; she could have bought something on Amazon, we suppose, but getting it delivered would likely have been a little difficult.

Anyway, the paper noted that Worden’s parents also filed a complaint with NASA’s Office of the Inspector General that stated McClain was involved in a “highly calculated and manipulative campaign” in order to win custody of the couple’s child.

That’s another 21st century thing: Same-sex couples with children. 

“There’s unequivocally no truth to these claims. We’ve been going through a painful, personal separation that’s now unfortunately in the media," McClain said in a statement released on Twitter. "I appreciate the outpouring of support and will reserve comment until after the investigation. I have total confidence in the IG process.”

“I trusted her”

NASA has also refused comment, except to say, “Lt Col. Anne McClain has an accomplished military career, flew combat missions in Iraq and is one of NASA's top astronauts. She did a great job on her most recent NASA mission aboard the International Space Station.”

Via her lawyer, Rusty Hardin, McClain told the NY Times that, yes, she did access the account. But she only did that to make sure the family finances were up to snuff and there were funds available to care for the couple’s child, who was actually born a year before the two ladies met. She also said she was never informed that she should discontinue using the account while using the same password and log-in information she’d been using the entire time the couple was married. 

“I protect my son with everything I have. That is my No. 1 priority, but I didn't sense at that time that she was anybody that I needed to protect him against. I trusted her,” Worden said, NBC News reported.

So, who gets to investigate this alleged crime? The FBI doesn’t have a “space division” yet so we’re not quite sure. We do know that, despite the fact that the ISS is a joint venture between the U.S., Canada, Japan, Russia, and a number of European countries, astronauts are under the jurisdiction of their own countries while on the station.

But even then, enforcement has to be — problematic. 

The U.K.'s Daily Mail notes that Worden, a former Air Force intelligence officer, became suspicious about McClain accessing the account after the latter seemed to know details regarding the way Worden was spending her money, though the couple was separated and McClain was, you know, in space.

You’d think that McClain had better things to do while orbiting the Earth conducting experiments and doing research. But apparently her mind wasn’t on her work all the time.

Sources include:

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